Help! I’ve Lost Myself in Motherhood—Here’s How I’m Finding My Way Back

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Alright, mama, let’s be real. When was the last time you answered to your actual name instead of just "Mom"? Can’t remember? Same. I mean, I get it—one day, you’re a normal human with hobbies, showering regularly, and knowing what’s happening in pop culture (some of us anyway, I have never been good with pop culture), and the next thing you know, you’re knee-deep in snack crumbs, watching Bluey on repeat, and Googling “is this rash normal?” at 2 a.m.

Somewhere between making sure everyone else is fed, clothed, and alive, we kind of forget ourselves. And if you’ve ever looked in the mirror and thought, who even am I anymore? —you’re not alone.

But here’s the good news: you’re still in there, mama. And we’re about to dig you back out, one small (but mighty) step at a time.

Step 1: Remember Who You Were Before the Chaos

Before you were someone’s personal snack-fetcher and tantrum referee, what did you love? What made you feel like you?

Think back. Did you love painting? Running? Reading smutty novels with a glass of wine in hand? Did you dream of traveling, starting a business, or maybe just going to Target alone without a small human yelling, “CAN WE GET A TOY?!”

Your passions didn’t disappear—they just got buried under a pile of laundry. Time to unearth them.

Step 2: Do Something Just for You (and No, Peeing Alone Doesn’t Count)

I know what you’re thinking. Sounds great, but when am I supposed to fit in “rediscovering myself” between meltdowns and bedtime battles? Listen, I’m not telling you to book a week-long yoga retreat in Bali (though if you do, can you take me with you?). I’m saying start small.

• Take 10 minutes to do something that makes you happy.

• Read a book without pictures in it.

• Go for a walk (without pushing a stroller).

• Blast your old-school playlist and dance like nobody’s watching (except they probably are, and that’s fine).

• Buy yourself the fancy coffee, just because.

  
  

Little things add up, and before you know it, you’ll remember what it feels like to do something because you want to—not because you have to.

Step 3: Say No (Without Feeling Like a Monster)

Repeat after me: I do not have to do everything for everyone all the time. You, my friend, are not a superhero (even if your kids think you are). It’s okay to say no to things that drain you. It’s okay to not sign up for the PTA. It’s okay to not bake homemade gluten-free cupcakes for the class party. It's okay to tell your kids to get up and get their own water bottle and snack for themselves.

Setting boundaries isn’t selfish—it’s survival. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and honestly, you shouldn’t even be trying. Take care of you, too.

Step 4: Find Your People (The Ones Who Get It)

Motherhood can feel lonely as hell, even when you’re surrounded by tiny humans 24/7. You need your people—the ones who will laugh with you about the insanity of parenting, not judge you for giving your kid Goldfish for dinner (again).

Find a mom group, reconnect with an old friend, or even just join an online community where people keep it real (none of that highlight-reel, perfect-parent nonsense). ,We weren’t meant to do this alone.

Step 5: Give Yourself Some Freakin’ Grace

Listen, if motherhood came with a user manual, we’d

all be nailing this (or not actually, because this job is hard!). But it doesn’t. So cut yourself some slack. You are doing the best you can, and that is more than enough.

You’re not just a mom. You’re a whole freaking person. And it’s time to start acting like it again.

So, what’s one small thing you can do just for you today? Drop it in the comments, send me a DM, or just silently nod while you take a sip of your (probably cold) coffee. You’ve got this, mama. ❤️